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Archive for June, 2009

I am often told that things in life will happen at its own pace, you need to give it the time it takes. I am often asked not to hurry, life has a definite plan for you and it will unfold according to that… everything has got a time, and one needs to wait for that.

I ask, whats the point?

In long run, everything is always okay, everything always gets normalized, nothing matters in a long run. If things are anyway going to happen as per their plan, whats use of being a spectator alone… if all that you can do is witness, if all that you are doing is acting out somebody else’s plan, whats the point in being!

Either perform or perish! Either get what you want in the way you want to achieve it, or just be a dumb actor on this stage enacting somebody else’s script!

… but then there are certain things which are simply out of your control. A few things which you can only wish for, which you can only desire for… and hope destiny considers your plea and grants them to you. These are things which you want dearly, but are outside your control. One may want to take control of everything thats instrumental in fulfilling your wish, but then if that means diluting the wish itself, the final outcome itself, then again… whats the point!

<Sigh>… <Deep Sigh>

A young lad who had just cleared his 10th std examination with flying colours received a birthday card from his elder brother, which had this wish for the young soul — “May you be strong enough to achieve all that you should, and wise enough to accept what you cannot” … At that young tender age, he didn’t realize the gravity, but now he feels may be this is what it means… … more than achieving all that you want, I guess its important first to understand what all things are in your control, and then worry about achieving them.

May I be strong enough to have that control, and also wise enough to understand what I can and what I cannot control!

Amen!

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A few months back I was answering those 25 question-set about relationship, life and all that; and for the question “What do you fear the most”, I had answered “being misunderstood by someone you love, is very close to your heart”. Answer had come from an unpleasant personal experience, which was very sad and horrible, and was among the very few which had left me with the bad feeling of depression. It had taken me some time to recover from that, and eventually as life moves on, I got along again with that person. We have had such beautiful time together (that’s why that person is still dear to me), we swept things below life’s carpet and as days went past, we moved on with our lives.

And a few days back, it happened again, and with the same person. For a moment, I was again down with that bad feeling. But this time around, it didn’t hit me that hard and to my own surprise, I did shrug off that depressing feeling within minutes, and it was as hunky dory as if nothing ever happened. I had no feeling whatsoever about that person or misunderstanding or anything.

I wondered what was different this time. Have years since the previous misunderstanding made me so insensitive to something which had jostled me from within once, had shaken me from within once? Is this what you refer to when you say life hardens you; or other worldly things become more important to you than these stupid relationships and all?

But on second thoughts, I don’t think the case is so bad, I think I am still touchy about these things, relationships means the same whole world to me and I haven’t yet lost the tenderness at heart. What has changed perhaps is the connection I have with that person. We both thought we have put that bad occurrence past us, that we were back with the amazing thing we shared once. What we had swept under carpet, I thought has been buried deep and forgotten. It may actually have been, but it has left its mark on the relationship. However hard we both might have tried to get back to the great tuning we had, it’s not possible now. The damage has been done!

And as I think of this, am reminded of a doha from Rahim (not Kabir, as pointed in the comment below), which one of my childhood friend had written in my scrapbook in 10th std!

Rahiman dhaga prem ka, mat todo chatkaye…

Tute to fir jude na, jude to gaant pad jaye!

The delicate thread of unquestioned trust and faith and love has been broken, for once, and now forever!

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