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“Piya Tora Kaisa Abhimaan!!!”

This one line of song from the movie ‘Raincoat’ has been lingering in my mind and heart since I heard it after a long time last night. There is so much pity, misery, helplessness, despair, pain in this one line. Love can, at times, really be such a depressing feeling!

Love in its purest form, I have been told, is all about giving. True lover gives up everything for his love, sacrifices all his happiness and pleasures for one smile of his love. In all other give-and-take affairs, it’s the receiver who is being humbled and giver takes all the pride. But here, we see a lover in his purest form bending to his knees, but that doesn’t budge the spine of the rude loved one even a radian. And still, the lover goes on; and the loved sticks to his ego, his false ego!

While love is all that concerns for the lover, the loved one, here, puts this significance to his ego. Goals differ; ideals, priorities mismatch, and you have such miserable situation. What a pity it is to lose something as ever-lasting like love for something as ephemeral as ego!

As I ponder over this gloomy song, I am reminded of a story of a pundit and a scorpion that I had read in my childhood. It must be from Panchtantra – they used to make such interesting and meaningful stories, I owe a lot of my ideals and principles to them. Story goes this way – a pundit was taking a bath in river, and he saw a scorpion getting swept away in the water current. Taking pity on the poor animal, pundit picked it up and started moving towards river-bank to take the scorpion safely out of water. However immediately the scorpion stung pundit with it’s tail. Pundit felt the pain running all through his body, he almost fell in the river, and scorpion fell off his hands and again began drowning with the river current. Pundit immediately gathered himself, and again picked up the scorpion and started moving towards safety of river-bank. However again, scorpion stung pundit, pundit felt immense pain, and scorpion fell off in river, pundit again picked it up. This picking up, stinging, falling off and picking up again went on for some time, and finally pundit managed to get the scorpion to the safety of land. An onlooker was watching this from bank, and said to pundit – “you are really a stupid man. Its dharma of scorpion to sting, and yet you kept on picking it up”. To this, pundit replied – “if that small animal cannot let go his dharma, how can I – a human being – let go mine. That animal was dying, and it was my dharma to save it”.

Doing what is one supposed to do when all is hunky-dory is no fun, is no great deal. It is when things go against you, it is when all your goodwill, noble thoughts, selfless help goes unnoticed, unappreciated and unanswered; that you need to continue being good. True test is do what is your dharma when everything practical around you suggest that it is stupidity to continue. In the last book I read – “Games Indians Play”, there is a quote from Bhagwad Gita which goes like this – “You have right only to your actions, and not to their results!” Nothing can be more true!

Blessed is the person who loves selflessly. Love is too precious to be put at stake for one’s ego. Love is said to transcend all boundaries, and so often I have seen it faltering at boundary of false egos. So often, people play the “who-blinks-first” game and stake their love, their friendship on the outcome. Not to lose in this game, their eyes are always wide open, but even with these wide-open-eyes, they miss seeing the obvious truth that love is far far more precious than these false egos. By the time their open eyes and closed brains realize this, often it is too late.  It becomes too late to blink and make up. It becomes too late to go back and erase everything, and start afresh. It simply becomes to too late to set it correct. It is simply lost, forever!

5 seconds of this song tells you all this, in the most hard-hitting manner… “Piya Tora Kaisa Abhimaan!”

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A few months back I was answering those 25 question-set about relationship, life and all that; and for the question “What do you fear the most”, I had answered “being misunderstood by someone you love, is very close to your heart”. Answer had come from an unpleasant personal experience, which was very sad and horrible, and was among the very few which had left me with the bad feeling of depression. It had taken me some time to recover from that, and eventually as life moves on, I got along again with that person. We have had such beautiful time together (that’s why that person is still dear to me), we swept things below life’s carpet and as days went past, we moved on with our lives.

And a few days back, it happened again, and with the same person. For a moment, I was again down with that bad feeling. But this time around, it didn’t hit me that hard and to my own surprise, I did shrug off that depressing feeling within minutes, and it was as hunky dory as if nothing ever happened. I had no feeling whatsoever about that person or misunderstanding or anything.

I wondered what was different this time. Have years since the previous misunderstanding made me so insensitive to something which had jostled me from within once, had shaken me from within once? Is this what you refer to when you say life hardens you; or other worldly things become more important to you than these stupid relationships and all?

But on second thoughts, I don’t think the case is so bad, I think I am still touchy about these things, relationships means the same whole world to me and I haven’t yet lost the tenderness at heart. What has changed perhaps is the connection I have with that person. We both thought we have put that bad occurrence past us, that we were back with the amazing thing we shared once. What we had swept under carpet, I thought has been buried deep and forgotten. It may actually have been, but it has left its mark on the relationship. However hard we both might have tried to get back to the great tuning we had, it’s not possible now. The damage has been done!

And as I think of this, am reminded of a doha from Rahim (not Kabir, as pointed in the comment below), which one of my childhood friend had written in my scrapbook in 10th std!

Rahiman dhaga prem ka, mat todo chatkaye…

Tute to fir jude na, jude to gaant pad jaye!

The delicate thread of unquestioned trust and faith and love has been broken, for once, and now forever!

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Chal mere saath hi chal, ai meri jaan-e-ghazal,

In samajo ke banaye hue bandhan se nikal, chal,

Chal mere saath hi chal…

Simple lyrics, sung in equally simpler soothing relaxed tone. Ahmed & Mohammed Hussain create a magic with their rough but pleasing voice. I had heard this ghazal some 6-7 years back. We had a cassette of this album, and as it is with any good thing worth keeping, the cassette went bad after some time. I tried hard to find a CD of this album in stores or on internet, but never managed to locate one. But over years, these lines always remained etched somewhere in my sub-conscious; and every time I had to remember a good ghazal, this one used to start playing in mind, and I would start humming it to myself. So yesterday when I went through this beautiful post from my friend’s blog – where she has written about similar feelings for her favourite but long-lost ghazals which refuse to go away even after years of not hearing them once, I was reminded of this one again. I was recollecting ghazals which have made me happy every time I listened to them, and was living again the divine bliss I get by just listening to these ghazals playing in my sub-conscious soaks me to soul with pure unadulterated pleasure. And thanks to YouTube, I found this ghazal yesterday, and it has made this  weekend so special 🙂

Hum waha jaye, jaha pyar par pahre na lage;

Dil ki daulat pe jaha koi lutere na lage;

Kab hai badla yeh zamana, tu zamane ko badal.

Apne milne pe jaha koi bhi ungli na uthe,

Apni chahat pe jaha koi bhi dushman na hase,

Ched de pyar se tu saaz-e-mohabbat pe gazal.

I like this particular piece for the amazing melody and deep meaning it conveys in such a simple straight-forward manner. It’s a call for a love which does not conform to the dumb hypocrite social norms. It calls for a rebellion against it; but never does it become gaudy or populist or dramatic or larger than life. It is based on a firm resolve, a firm unflinching commitment towards the love. It is about a love which is very human, very normal, and still it holds the strength of taking on the world, to prove to themselves and to all others the power of simple tender love. It is ready to face all the opposition in the world because it has in it the strength of purity and sanctity of love, of childlike trust in love, of undying commitment towards one’s love! Nothing on this world or outside it can ever do any harm to something as holy, as pious as this love!

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It is just a thought – shapeless, colourless, odourless, floating in thin ether. But it is definitely present, alive and kicking. If it is not, it becomes a dead memory. But before that, it never fails to do a thing or two to the thinker.

At times, a restless thought goes to the deepest corner of heart, tickles the deepest desires and regrets, and becomes a dream.

At times, an anxious thought goes to the back of mind, in those unknown dark alleys of conscious where fear lives, and becomes a nightmare.

At times, a childish thought floats down the corners of eyes, and lands on the back of palm, and is blown away, and becomes a wish.

At times, a starry eyed thought peeks out the half-open window, grabs the twinkling stars and whole of the full-moon in both its hands, and becomes an ambition.

At times, a spirited thought raises itself to a height, and meets the eyes of the tall, and comes back charged, and becomes an inspiration.

At times, a stoic thought blinds itself to all obstacles, and zooms out of muddle, and becomes passion, determination.

At times, a noble thought drenches itself in the purest mist, and cleanses the entire valley for sunrise, and becomes a prayer.

At times, a selfish thought keeps rubbing the ugly wound, and keeps spewing the venom, and becomes hatred.

At times, a greedy thought gets accompanied by expectation, and becomes – at times joy, but often sorrow.

At times, a purest thought hits another of its own, and takes a shape that actually intermingles with others, and becomes love.

And eventually everything becomes a memory… as the thought dies. Let us make most of it before that.

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